Shrinks by the dozens

Keeping records of present time is a chore. Reaching back into the past to write an entry is a burden. Few are worth this tremendous effort and this is one of them:

At a certain stage in my present life, I was coerced into a therapy session.

The fact that someone will be picking at my mind, sounded intriguing. After all I decided to go thru this charade, masquerading as last effort marriage counseling.

So I went with the mother of my kids (who happens to be a much better person than I am) to this fat woman with lots of emergency toilet papers hanging on her office walls. Ten minutes into the meeting, she said: sorry but I will not take your case, I have too much prejudice toward you and she referred me to one off her colleagues to handle it.

The fact that I struck-out the first KGB investigator was an amazing involuntary achievement. Who’s next, I was thinking. Surely enough, a week after I had an appointment with a wanna be doctor. Waiting for this, not so busy Freudian pupil in this small reception area that felt like a solitary jail cell and being watched over by a long nailed jailer waiting to bang the doc. What’s with those narcissist people? They tend to have an inferiority complex don’t they? Making you wait, driving a point telling you “I am important, take a look at those papers on the walls!”

Any way, I went in and sat on a sofa, him being behind his desk and he started talking… absurd situation I was thinking. This lame person is going to pick at my brains! Does he truly believe his schooling and degrees prepared him for this moment!  Then the inevitable question came: how is your relation with your parents? Classic eh, then he goes on lamenting about his relationship with his father

in a feeble attempt to ease up the conversation.

My phone rang and I excused myself and pick up the call: yes I am still at the shrink… ah, not much; he’s talking about his father…and I hanged up.

Who was it? He asked. My bedmate, I answered.

So you’re here getting counseling while you have someone with you?

Smart one this guy…

Then he asked me about work and I answered. When he realized I am in the food and beverage business, he asked about my consumption of alcohol.

Ok I do drink on a daily basis. Then he asked about smoking narcotics, I told him that I was not into that and that I have been off cigarettes for few years now.

His answer was a bit bizarre. He said: alcohol makes one angry; I wish you smoked hash instead of drinking, he said. Waw, a doctor’s prescription from hell.

Here I am sitting feeling betrayed by my pocket for accepting to dish out 70 bucks

for the stupidest advice ever. Left and went home.

On my next scheduled visit, the same procedures wait, being watched by a horny

secretary. And then I am in, he started speaking I stopped him and told him: doc I took your advice. I have not had a drop of alcohol for a week and I picked up smoking cigarettes and other substances. He opened his eyes wide and shot out:

How much does it cost?

Oh My! Poor doc. Unable to hump his frustrated secretary and deprived of his favorite delusionary substance…so my time was up, I stood up and left while he was telling me to take a next week appointment. The lusty woman closed the door behind me and locked it… I had an image of her ear dropping on the conversation,

while masturbating and now she is ready to rape her boss, poor Doc.

Obviously, I chose to save my money for my new habits and stopped going to this pitiful person. After few weeks, I got a call from my EX: asking me, why did I stop going to the shrink? And that he called her to say that I am crazy. What he exactly said: this guy does not know how to differentiate between reality and illusion.

Well his right in a way but I don’t think he new the reason why. He is just another lame ass pupil taught something beyond his mind reach and got a paper to prove his dysfunctional brain. Maybe I should go give him a visit and charge him for it this time around.

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